I’ve Been There

Alright singles–whenever the Lord calls me to encourage you, love you, stand by you in your journey and support you…. if I’m married at that time, you can’t say that “I don’t get it.” That “great words, but you wouldn’t understand how HARD being single is because you’re happily married.” “You don’t know what it’s like to put yourself out there and get rejected.” When those words are spoken or thought, I will refer you back to this exact post (and probably others): the time in my life where I am writing from the trenches of singleness, so to speak.

I’m in it.
I’m living it.
It’s not always easy.

Will I ever find him?

What do I do in the “in-between”?

 
Well, I can tell you what I’M doing. I just created an online dating profile and kissed a little piece of my pride goodbye.

 

Online dating. It means so many different things to so many people. Some have completely embraced it and would go so far as to call it a very “normal” way to meet someone. Others are where I’m at…skeptical, but willing to give it a try. And still others think it’s the act of a desperate and crazy person.

 

I have read countless articles and blogs, and spent time listening to my friend’s opinions on why online dating falls into each of those categories. The thing with advice and with the media outlets we have today is that if you want to find someone who agrees with you, it won’t be that hard. If you’re looking for a cynic, you’ll find one. If you want someone to tell you that what you think is the “norm,” someone will. Albeit, you may find a blog written by a person just as crazy as you are, but gosh-darn-it, they totally agree! All that to say, at some point–whether it’s online dating or bungee jumping–you have to make rational decisions for yourself and stick by them.

 

So, I put my money where my mouth is and signed up. Kinda. I think I just started a free 5 day trial. So really I didn’t put money anywhere. Yet. BUT the biggest point, and hardest, was that I created a “profile”….likes and dislikes, religious preference, a short essay of why you should date me…. picture and all. I’ve decided I’ll share it with you. That way, my online dating life crashes and burns, we can both know what went wrong. Just kidding…I hope….

 

My Match.com Profile:
“I’ve always found the concept of writing a “personal ad” kind’ve funny. You talk yourself up, sometimes exaggerate a little (but hey, it COULD be true, eventually…) and hope to catch someones attention in a positive way. It’s not much unlike the resume/interview process, but there’s something more sensitive about telling someone why they should date you as opposed to hire you. It takes courage to put yourself on the line, and a little humility to admit there’s something you don’t have, but want.

So let’s dive in. Qualities I value in a man: honesty; solid work ethic and healthy lifestyle; ability to make me laugh (and that isn’t a tall order. I laugh pretty easily); love for the Lord; a genuine character that is respected by those around Him.

Qualities I value in myself: positivity, optimism, and my love for laughter; my empathy for others; deep love for my family and friends; relationship with the Lord that shapes my life and who I am; creative abilities; my desire to live richly.

To relieve some of the pressure, I know relationships aren’t perfect. I know I’m not perfect and am not searching for perfection in a man. I’m looking for someone to do life with. Someone who shares my values, and is someone I can honestly say, my life is richer now that you’re a part of it.

Cheers to the journey, and I hope you, too, find what you’re looking for.”

 

Well, I think we can all agree that if something happens as a result of this whole venture, it will rest strongly on Divine Intervention. I didn’t aim to write the most catching blurb, or let my words drip like honey in an effort to seduce. I really didn’t even crack a joke to catch the “funny guy” I’m hoping for. I couldn’t write an “about me” without showing some hesitancy towards the system. I was aiming for honesty, and connectivity, which are things I hope to find in return. I think online dating at its worst can be a way to post about the person you hope to be, and snag someone who buys into it.

 

Through prayer and a grounded set of lowered expectations (no matter what guarantees match.com makes, I don’t expect a ring on it anytime soon), I’ll begin a new journey in my life. Singleness has days that are so incredibly fun that I can’t imagine anything else. And, in turn, it has days that make me excited for the next season of life.

 

Before I could post my dating ad, I shed a few tears. Tears over my singleness, over the pride I was laying down to admit that I don’t have a man in my life, but do want one. Tears over the fear that I may never find what I’m looking for. It’s so much more desirable to be the single woman who portrays constant happiness. The one that can talk about her contentment all day long. But contentment is not built on the season you’re in, but on a God that loves you, and wants to walk through the journey with you, catch your tears, and bring you joy along the way.

 

Part of the reason I wanted to begin online dating was from my desire to honestly be able to say someday that I’ve been there. I’ve tried that. I’ve experienced all the emotions you’re talking about. And I still believe in a God that is in control, and that loves me more than I can understand. I believe in a God that is carefully, without forgetting any detail, writing my love story.

And it’s gonna be great.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(originally written on January 19, 2012. I currently am not online dating, but would still recommend the experience to anyone!)

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