Last month we had great intentions of evaluating our free time, spending ALL of our time wisely, trimming down on naps or what could be deemed as “excess sleep”…and then we ran around like crazy people, watched more TV than necessary, passed out without a moment’s remorse, and didn’t change a darn thing.
And truth be told, I really did think for a minute about how I could still pass off last month as fasting in some way so that I wouldn’t look like a failure, but there was just no honest way to spin that one.
So I concede.
Last month was sprinkled (if not drenched) in the very indulgence I claimed to wanted to get rid of.
To be honest, I’m not really sure what happened either. We started off the first three months of our 6 month fast really well. We text each other on our difficult days, encouraged each other when things got tough, and stayed the course. Aaaaaand then we fell apart. And here I am..a couple days into month 5….not really sure what I’m even supposed to be fasting from. Something to do with food? Me and this sundae I’m enjoying have no idea.
If you’re ever someone who starts more things than you can finish, you’re a kindred spirit to me.
I have the best intentions when I start something new. I love dreaming, setting goals and making plans. The more extreme, the better. As wild as I can fathom. The sky is the limit!
But then something happens.
A little something called reality creeps in and foils all my plans.
Reality limits my time, energy, and resources, and reminds me that no matter how much I’d love to, I just can’t do it all.
I’m not saying this to excuse myself or to write off quitting like it’s no big deal. Because honestly, I’m still going to chalk this one up as a win. Three months of learning and leaner living, and then the ability to publicly admit when I’ve fallen short of my goals seems like a worthwhile endeavor to me.
I asked each member of my fasting team (my best friend, Lori; her husband, Zach; and my man, Adam) about their experiences with the three months we actually did fast. I was hoping for some deep and meaningful mentions of how their perspectives and lives have forever changed because of the three months we spent “going without”…
Instead what I got was a group text battle over who “won” the fasting. Meme’s were involved, MVP’s were declared, and my desire for sentimentality was not taken seriously. AT ALL.
So instead I will just have to tell you that while fasting may not be earth-shattering, life-changing, gush-about-your-feelings kind of stuff, it is important. Because we set aside daily time to quiet ourselves, spend time reading the Bible and evaluating what was going on in our lives. AND practice telling ourselves no.
And I need that. Because when I am only in the practice of telling myself yes, I get ugly. And I mean really ugly.
Which also happens when I try to wipe away my imperfections and shortcomings before anyone notices. Which is also why I had to write a this post, giving myself up.
I’m trying this new thing….giving myself a break. It’s not easy, especially when my expectations for my dreamer-self are through the rough ridiculous.
I’m also trying this new thing called realistic expectations and goals, which is also a work in progress.
Because the sooner we embrace our work-in-progress selves, the sooner we’re set free.
If you haven’t seen this adorable boy and his puppy that apparently snuggle up together every day, check out all of their nap time photos here for out-of-this-world cuteness.